Gratitude

Gentle, considerate friends and family

I was missing my granddaughter. It was time for a visit. My daughter called and said that my granddaughter wanted to spend the day with me. I immediately answered to the affirmative and began to plan my day. It would be an afternoon visit at their house just a little ways away. When I arrived, the house was quiet, but a few minutes later, I heard my name called. It was my son-in-law greeting me in the kitchen with a hug and an early happy birthday. He told me that my daughter wanted me to join her as she prepared for her upcoming podcast that afternoon. I announced myself as I walked down the hallway, not wanting to startle her. I came into the room where she was putting on makeup. Mikhaila’s‘s a master of makeup, for she studied makeup as one of the early adult courses she took, while she was dealing with her health troubles and figuring them out. She always looks lovely and I was excited to see her. I spent the afternoon with my granddaughter, once she arrived. Elizabeth sneaked into the room, hiding behind the doors and in the closets playing hide and seek in her seven-year-old excited and joyful way. We went out into the living room and her little brother only 15 months old, was playing within his large enclosure in the living room. Recently he’s figured out how to get the door open. It won’t be long until he has the run of the place. George went for his lunch and Elizabeth and I went outside to play on the trampoline. She was very excited to take me to her play structures. She was praying that that’s what I might do with her. We played a game on the trampoline chasing each other bouncing if you were it and running if you were running away from the person who was it. We giggled and jumped around for a good amount of time until I got tired. Then we laid down and I asked her to count to 100, which she did and then we would get up and play. Then we went on the swingset and she showed me how she could climb across the monkey bars. She was so strong it was so it’s so good to see the strength of youth. She’s brave and careful but also adventurous. After a while, it was time to go prepare for the evening. I had some inkling that there was going to be a birthday dinner, but it was kept very quiet. Elizabeth wanted to go with me to the house. She was so excited. I played along with her and asked her if she was ready to go. She went and changed her pants put on a new pair of jeans and a pair of boots, as we got to the back door, I said, don’t you need a car seat? She said my mom and dad don’t know that I’m going anywhere and that’s probably means that I should stay home. I said yeah, I think you’re right. I headed home back to my place. When I arrived, there was a beautiful display of a large lit up 64 with balloons and my name Happy Birthday Tammy. There were 64 long stem red roses in front. That had been Mikhaila and her husband‘s work. My husband Jordan was in the kitchen cutting up steak that had been delivered for our party and everyone was there. My friends and our security guys and then my daughter and her husband and Elizabeth arrived and we were all there. There were too many of us to sit around the table, so we stood around the kitchen island, which is a very big surface and it was perfectly fine. Once everyone had eaten, we cleaned up. We all sat down, I heard hints that they were going to sing when I’m 64. I got my camera ready. Everyone had their lyrics on their phones and they began to sing. It was very nice.

You know when I was a little kid sometimes, not always, probably rarely even, it’s hard to say because it was a long time ago. My mom was rather nervous creature and I didn’t understand her anxiety. My dad was a boisterous, exuberant man with a booming voice. He was playful, always teasing. He had a bigger than life personality. my mom was rather introverted, high in volatility. When we had people over or we went over to other people’s houses, it made me a little bit nervous that things might get out of hand. My dad always had a drink with his friends. In fact, it seemed that they waited for him to open a bottle, because they could always count on him to be a part of their party. Whenever people drink the level of conscientiousness, intelligence and risk taking change everything. It took me years and years, and also some good, deep self reflection to realize that my dad was a very good man, and I could trust him. Self reflection is necessary to unravel some of the mysteries from our childhood which were impossible for us to understand.

Now today at my 64th birthday, I could feel the excitement mixed with gratitude and a little bit of hesitation. This followed me through the evening as the festivities played out. My heart was filled with gratitude for the gracious abundance. It’s no longer party that is filled with uncertainty, instead it’s an evening with friends and family, who are doing their part to be helpful, generous and kind.

Thank you to my mom for my birth and dad for giving me the courage to be myself, in service to my friends, to my family and to the people I meet along the way.